Engaging in conversations with narcissists can often feel frustrating and one-sided. If you’ve ever tried to have a meaningful discussion with a narcissist, you may have noticed that they tend to ignore your points and focus solely on their own. This behavior is not accidental but rather a deliberate tactic used by narcissists to maintain control over the conversation and protect their self-image.

Narcissists often dismiss or invalidate your thoughts and feelings. This dismissal can manifest in various ways, such as interrupting you, trivializing your concerns, or outright ignoring what you’ve said. This tactic is a form of invalidation, making you feel as though your opinions and emotions are unimportant or irrelevant.

When confronted with uncomfortable truths or criticism, narcissists frequently use deflection. This involves changing the subject or redirecting the conversation to avoid addressing the issue at hand. For example, if you bring up a concern about their behavior, they might suddenly start discussing something entirely unrelated, leaving your original point unresolved.

Projection is another common tactic where narcissists accuse others of the very behaviors they themselves exhibit. If you point out their lack of empathy, they might turn the tables and accuse you of being insensitive. This tactic can be confusing and disorienting, as it shifts the focus away from the narcissist’s behavior and onto you.

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where the narcissist makes you doubt your perception of reality. They may deny events that occurred or emotions you expressed, leading you to question your memory and sanity. This form of psychological manipulation can be particularly damaging, as it erodes your confidence in your own judgment.

Stonewalling involves refusing to engage in the conversation altogether. Narcissists may give you the silent treatment, walk away, or abruptly end the discussion. This behavior is a form of emotional withdrawal, intended to punish you for bringing up issues or to avoid dealing with uncomfortable topics.

Narcissists use these tactics to maintain control over the narrative and protect their fragile self-esteem. By ignoring your points and pushing their own agenda, they can avoid facing criticism or acknowledging their flaws. This behavior also serves to keep you off balance, making it harder for you to assert yourself or hold them accountable.

So how can you handle these tactics? It’s important to stay grounded and remember that these tactics are about the narcissist’s need for control, not a reflection of your worth or validity. Clearly define what behavior you will and will not tolerate. If the conversation becomes toxic or unproductive, it’s okay to disengage. Engaging with a narcissist can be draining and emotionally exhausting. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or a mental health professional who can offer perspective and guidance.

Understanding these conversation tactics can empower you to navigate interactions with narcissists more effectively. By recognizing these behaviors for what they are, you can maintain your sense of self and avoid being drawn into their manipulative games.